Poems (Selection)

Programmer's Prayer

Our Program who are in Memory. Hello by thy Name. Thy Operating System come. Thy Commands be done at the Printer as it is on the Screen. Give us this day our daily Data, And forgive us our I/O errors As we forgive those whose logic circuits are faulty. Lead us not into frustration, and deliver us from Power Surges. For Thine is the Algorithm, The Application, And the Solution Looping forever and ever. Return.

 

What if Dr. Seuss did techninal writing?

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk,
then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.

Quickly turn off the computer and go and tell your mom.

Geisel "Doctor Seuss"

Remember when...

A computer was something on TV from a science fiction show
A window was something you hated to clean....
And ram was the cousin of a goat.....

Meg was the name of my girlfriend
And gig was something you did on stage for money
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bytes.

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 1/2" floppy
You hoped nobody found out

Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while

Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode

Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens, they wish they were dead.

Author: daniel.bainbridge@eastserve.com